Whether it's Halloween or your name happens to be Peter Parker, these funny spider one-liners and spider puns are punny dad jokes even Spiderman will enjoy!
Do spiders (the largest order of arachnids) make good pets? We write about a lot of pets like geckos and macaws, but a pet tarantula may be the 'scariest' pet we've researched and this is mainly because I'm scared of spiders!
These 'pets' are slow-moving and must be treated with care. One expert moves their spider with long forceps! You must be careful and cautious as some spiders have fangs that can cause mechanical damage to your hand.
The Spruce Pets tells us that this species makes a superb pet, as its docile demeanor and low maintenance upkeep requires very little effort from its keeper.
Now that you're less scared of spiders, let's dive into spider puns. (Just wait for the punchlines!)
35 Web-spun Spider puns and jokes
1. I've just bought a new pair of spider silk trousers.
They look great, but the flies keep getting stuck.
2. Why can't spiders become pilots?
Because they only know how to tailspin.
3. I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe.
I don't care how big a spider is, no one steals my shoe.
4. My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had drinks.
Nice guy, wants to be a web designer.
5. How did the tarantula find his partner online?
He spider on the web.
6. I tried killing a spider with hairspray.
It may still be alive, but it's hair sure does look amazing.
7. How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn't have a web he has a website.
8. What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late home?
You're spinning me a yarn here.
9. What do you call a hundred spiders on a tire?
A spinning wheel.
10. I asked my friend what spiders eat.
He didn't know. He said I should go and check on the web.
11. What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
12. What do spiders eat in Paris?
13. Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spy-der.
14. A spider just crawled onto my keyboard.
Don't worry, it's under ctrl.
15. A couple of my friends have opened their doors recently and been slapped by a large, obnoxious spider.
There's a nasty bug going around.
16. What's a spider's favorite pastime?
17. I told my teenage daughter to go get me a phone book.
She laughed at me, and said, "Oh Dad, you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill the spider.
18. What's red and dangerous?
Strawberry and tarantula jelly.
19. "What's your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer.
I said, "Spiders."
He said, "Professional ones?"
I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."
20. Why are spiders like tops?
They're always spinning.
21. The other day I found a giant spider in my shoes.
He looked so stupid. They were way too big for him.
22. Why do spiders spin webs?
Because they can't knit.
23. How can you tell if a spider is a boy or a girl?
You drop it from a building.
If he falls, it's a boy. If she falls, it's a girl.
24. What do you call a big Irish spider?
Paddy long legs.
25. Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin.
26. What is it called when you're afraid of middle eastern spider species?
27. What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
28. How do spiders diagnose health issues?
They use WebMD.
29. My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
30. Why are spiders good swimmers?
They have webbed feet.
31. Why shouldn't you go out when it's raining spiders?
You might get caught in a tarantula downpour.
32. My girlfriend is so scared of spiders that she leaves the house until I get rid of them.
I've been living alone and peacefully for six hours now.
33. I felt so guilty after I stepped on a spider this morning.
You should have seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
34. Did you hear about the spider love triangle?
It was a tangled web.
35. My son wanted to get a pet spider from the pet shop, but they are really expensive.
I got a real cheap one off the web instead.
These spider jokes definitely poke fun at the world wide web.
Do you know any spider puns we missed? Please let us know on the Wide Open Pets Facebook page!
This article was originally published May 8, 2020