34 Hisssssssterical Snake Jokes and Puns

Posted by Christy Caplan
Snake Movement

These snake puns are hissssssterical.

What's a snake's favorite game? Hide and Sneak! Lol! This is just a taste of the following 33 snake puns and jokes we included in this listicle.

Let's start with a few snake jokes just to warm you up. There is no guarantee you'll find these funny but we laughed out loud at almost all of these puns. Then we threw a hissy fit. 

Funny Snake jokes you need to hear

1. A bottle of venom walks into a bar. The barman says "sorry mate, we don't serve snakebite in here".

2. Got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park. Wouldn't recognize it again though, it was wearing a hood.

3. Which snakes are best at mathematics? Adders.

4. What's the best unit of measurement of snakes? Inches, as they don't have any feet.

5. A sheep, a drum and a snake all fell over. Baaa Dum Tsss..!

6. I've got a magic snake. Addercadabra.

Snake puns you shouldn't hiss out

7. Why don't snakes drink coffee?

Because it makes them viperactive.

8. What do you call a snake who works for the government?

A civil serpent.

9. What do you call a Mexican snake?

Hisssspanic.

10. What do you give a sick snake?

Asp-rin.

11. What do you call a snake that builds things?

A boa constructor.

12. How do venomous snakes kill their prey?

In cold blood.

13. What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?

Addercadabra and abradacobra.

14. Who is a snake's favorite author?

William Snakespeare.

15. What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?

Snakes and Larders.

16. A snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "How did you do that?"

17. What do you call a funny snake?

Hissssssterical.

18. What is a snake's favorite dance?

The Mamba.

19. What do married snakes have on their bath towels?

Hiss and Hers.

20. Why are snakes hard to fool?

They have no legs to pull.

21. How do you get yarn out of a snake?

Wait until it sheds its skein.

22. What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?

A Boeing constrictor.

23. What did the snake give to his wife?

A goodnight hiss.

24. What do snakes do when they get angry?

They throw hissy fits.

25. Why did the viper, viper nose?

Because the adder, adder hankerchief.

26. What do you call an important English snake?

Sir Pent.

27. What is a snake's favorite TV show?

Monty Python.

28. What do snakes use to clean their car windows?

Windscreen vipers.

29. I was taking care of my friend's snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died.

I asked my wife, "What should I tell him?"

She said, "Just give it to him straight."

30. What do you call a snake that informs the police?

A grass snake.

31. A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"

The scout leader looks at it and says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

32. How does a snake shoot something?

With a boa and arrow.

33. Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?

Because he wanted his diamondback.

34. What do you call a snake that bakes?

A pie-thon.

Whether you're a fan of rattlesnakes, boa constrictors, or black mambas, the type of snake doesn't matter when it comes to snake puns and jokes. Hiss-tory tells us that you also don't need to be a snake charmer to come up with hissterical animal jokes. Some of these puns came from tweets we saw and others are from listicles we stumbled across. (I'm sure there are plenty of dad jokes out there, too!)

Do you have a pet snake? What's your snake's favorite subject? What kind of snake is your favorite? Leave us comments below.

Do you own a reptile or a snake? Please leave us a comment below!

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34 Hisssssssterical Snake Jokes and Puns