Whether it's the Green Snake or the Anaconda that you're a fan of, these funny snake puns will have you laughing hisssterically!
These snake puns are hi-sss-sterical.
Funny Snake Jokes You Need to Hear
1. A bottle of venom walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve snakebite in here."
2. Got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park. Wouldn't recognize it again though-- it was wearing a hood.
3. Which snakes are best at mathematics? Adders.
4. What's the best unit of measurement of snakes? Inches, as they don't have any feet.
5. A sheep, a drum, and a snake all fell over. Baaa Dum Tsss..!
6. I've got a magic snake. Addercadabra. The Slytherins out there should really like this one!
Snake Puns You Shouldn't 'Hiss' Out On
7. Why don't snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
8. What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
9. What do you call a Mexican snake?
10. What do you give a sick snake?
11. What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
12. How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
13. What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
14. Who is a snake's favorite author?
15. What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
16. A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "How did you do that?"
17. What do you call a funny snake?
18. What is a snake's favorite dance?
19. What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
20. Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
21. How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
22. What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
23. What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
24. What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
25. Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder handkerchief.
26. What do you call an important English snake?
27. What is a snake's favorite TV show?
28. What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
29. I was taking care of my friend's snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died.
I asked my wife, "What should I tell him?"
She said, "Just give it to him straight."
30. What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
31. A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"
The scout leader looks at it and says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."
So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
32. How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
33. Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
34. What do you call a snake that bakes?
35. What do you call a snake that really likes circles?
36. What's a snake's favorite programming language?
Python, of course!
37. What do snakes call a new baby boy?
A bouncing baby boa.
Whether you're a fan of rattlesnakes, boa constrictors, or black mambas, the type of snake doesn't matter when it comes to snake puns and jokes. Hiss-tory (which is a snake's favorite subject!) tells us that you also don't need to be a snake charmer to come up with hissterical animal jokes. Whether in tweets, listicles, or our own hearts, snake puns are something that we all have inside. Let the snake puns loose and add them to greeting cards, stickers, or even t-shirts. We're sure they'll slither into your heart!
This article was originally published May 10, 2020.