Snake "yawns" before a meal.

30 Snake Puns and Jokes That Are Absolutely Hissssterical


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These funny snake puns will have you laughing hisssterically!

Snakes might not be everyone's favorite animal, but you have to admit that they do have a certain...charm. While these reptiles often get a bad rap for their venom, fangs, and slithery persona, we don't think it's fair to judge a snake by its scales. (Unless they're, you know, venomous.)

The best snake puns will warm even the most cold-blooded hearts and potentially change your perspective on these stealthy serpents. At the very least, they're totally hisssterical! Whether you're a purveyor of puns or a devotee of dad jokes, everyone can agree that these one-liners about snakes aren't the most sophisticated--but they might just be cringey enough to keep snakes away from your chicken coop. That's the beauty of pet puns, after all!

Whether you're a fan of rattlesnakes, boa constrictors, or black mambas, the type of snake doesn't matter when it comes to snake puns and jokes. Hiss-tory (which is a snake's favorite subject!) also tells us that you also don't need to be a snake charmer to come up with funny animal puns. It doesn't take much to slither these snake jokes into casual conversation, so share them with your serpentine sidekicks and see how many people you can make throw a hissy fit. (And be sure to check out the best spider puns, next!)

Funny Snake Puns You'll Find Hisssterical

this snake enjoys snake puns

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1. A bottle of venom walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve snakebite in here."

2. Got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park. Wouldn't recognize it again though-- it was wearing a hood.

3. Which snakes are best at mathematics? Adders.

4. What's the best unit of measurement of snakes? Inches, as they don't have any feet.

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5. A sheep, a drum, and a snake all fell over. Baaa Dum Tsss..!

6. I've got a magic snake: Addercadabra. (The Slytherins out there should really like this one!)

7. Why don't snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them viperactive.

8. What do you call a snake who works for the government? A civil serpent.

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9. What do you call a Spanish-speaking snake? Hissspanic.

10. What do you give a sick snake? Asp-rin.

11. What do you call a snake that builds things? A boa constructor.

12. How do venomous snakes kill their prey? In cold blood.

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13. What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.

14. Who is a snake's favorite author? William Snakespeare.

15. What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food? Snakes and Larders.

Snake Jokes You Shouldn't 'Hiss' Out On

green snake enjoying snake puns in trees

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16. A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says, "How did you do that?"

17. What do you call a funny snake? Hissssssterical.

18. What is a snake's favorite dance? The Mamba.

19. What do married snakes have on their bath towels? Hiss and Hers.

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20. Why are snakes hard to fool? They have no legs to pull.

21. How do you get yarn out of a snake? Wait until it sheds its skein.

22. What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing constrictor.

23. What did the snake give to his wife? A goodnight hiss.

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24. What do snakes do when they get angry? They throw hissy fits.

25. Why did the viper, viper nose? Because the adder, adder handkerchief.

26. What do you call an important English snake? Sir Pent.

27. What is a snake's favorite TV show? Monty Python.

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28. What do snakes use to clean their car windows? Windscreen vipers.

29. I was taking care of my friend's snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died. I asked my wife, "What should I tell him?" She said, "Just give it to him straight."

30. What do you call a snake that informs the police? A grass snake.

Editor's Choice: What's a snake's favorite programming language? Python!

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Do you have a pet snake? What kind of snake is your favorite? Let us know on the Wide Open Pets Facebook page!

This article was originally published May 10, 2020.

READ MORE: 5 Reasons Pet Snakes Are Fantastic Companions

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