35 Snail Puns and Jokes, We Snailed It!

Posted by Christy Caplan
Giant Land Snail

Do you know that people actually live with giant land snails?

The giant African snail is likely a pet you should just pass on. I'm a chicken keeper and some would consider these little dinosaurs exotic, so I'm completely aligned with anyone that wants to own an exotic animal. These seem a little out there though!

If you just love snails or you do live with one (yikes!), we have some snail puns you can use with your friends!

35 Snail puns and jokes 

1. What happens when two snails get into a fight?

They slug it out!

2. Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot?

Because it's not fast food.

3. How do snails get their shells so shiny?

They use snail varnish!

4. Where do you find giant snails?

At the end of giants fingers!

5. What does snail wear to go dancing??

Escargogo boots.

6. Why is the snail the strongest animal?

Because he carries a house on his back!

7. How do snails make important calls?

On shell phones.

8. What happened when Turbo lost his shell?

He began to feel sluggish.

9. What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off?

I'll get you next slime!

10. What was the snail doing on the highway?

About one mile a day!

11. What is the definition of a slug?

A snail with a housing problem!

12. What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall?

How slime flies!

13. How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty?

The snails leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me"!

14. I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.

15. What does a snail wear?

Escargot pants

16. What do you call a snail on a ship?

A snailor!

17. A snail goes into a Ferrari dealership and buys a car, he then asks them to paint a giant letter "S" on the side. When asked why, he says

When I'm driving around everyone will say, "Wow, look at that S car go!"

18. You'd think that snails would be faster without their shells.

They actually become more sluggish.

19. I saw a snail creeping slowly across the ground.

I thought if I remove his shell, he could move faster. But it only made him more sluggish.

20. A tortoise beat up a snail pretty bad.

The snails two friends wanted revenge and so they asked him "do you recollect anything. His name, build, marks etc?"

The snail said "No I don't. It happened so fast:-("

21. I took the shell off my racing snail to see if it would make it go any faster

It just made it more sluggish.

22. Two snails talk to each other. After some time one of them says: "I'm going to the grocery store, should I bring you something?"

The other one says: "Yes, please, I would like ice cream"

The snail makes his way to the store, he returns after two days and says: " Sorry I forgot to ask you which flavor you want."

23. Why does a snail never sell its home?

Because once they sell it, it goes into escargot.

24. A girl named Sophie was walking down the street when she noticed a snail.

She stopped to look at the snail, but the snail started to speak. She was frightened at first but after a little conversation she calmed down. She started to like the snail and asked if he wanted to go back to her house. There they really started to connect. After a few hours, the snail asked her to... read more

25. What do you call a snail in a shotgun shell?

A slug

26. A slug has died after his girlfriend left him for a larger snail...

His homies said he was salty.

27. How does a snail commit suicide?

He looks into the socket.

28. What do you do if you see two snails fighting

Nothing, just let them slug it out

29. What did the sea snail say to the other sea snail when be cracked his shell?

Sea-kelp! Sea-kelp!

30. So a snail walks into a car shop...

So a snail walks into a car shop and buys a fancy sports car. He asks the painter to put a big S on the front, the back, and both sides. The painter asks why and the snail replies, "so when I drive past people they can say '"look at that escargot!'"

31. I just saw two naked snails fighting over a shell

They were slugging it out.

32. Why were there so many paintings of knights fighting snails in the Middle Ages???

Because centipedes would be too fast to fight.

33. A guy walks into a costume party carrying a girl on his back. The host looks at him and says, 'Yeah, this is...a costume party...'

The guest says, 'Yes, this is my costume. I'm a snail.'

The host asks, 'Okay, but...what's with the girl on your back?'

The guest responds, 'That's Michelle.'

34. Life at a snail's pace

One day Ronald answered a knock at his door. He opened to find a snail. Disgusted, he flicked it off the stoop.

Three weeks later, there's another knock at his door.

He opens to find the same snail.

"What'd you do that for??!!" the snail yells.

35. Why are snails allowed on ships?

Escargot.

Now, do you want to live with a pet snail? What did you think of these snail jokes and animal puns? We could have gone on forever!

Do you or anyone you know, live with exotic animals? Please comment below! 

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35 Snail Puns and Jokes, We Snailed It!