How to Pet Various Animals...with Some Humor

Posted by Samantha Bubar

If you have pets, you know there are places you shouldn't touch. 

With cats there are definite murder buttons, and if you push them, you will likely get attacked. No matter how lovingly they were just grooming their butt while sitting on your lap, if you rub that certain spot on their belly they will retaliate.

Here are some tips on how to interact with different animals, both domestic and wild.

Dogs and Cats


Dogs are basically down for whatever. Cats, on the other hand, not so much.

Note: make sure you don't activate the murder button.

Chinchillas and Hedgehogs


One is a furry ball made of the softest clouds and the other is a tiny little ball of the cutest spikes ever. Pet accordingly.

Chinchillas are the softest creature ever. If you haven't ever touched one, you should add it to your bucket list. Immediately.

Bunnies and Fish


Basically you can touch the top half of a bunny. If you want to pick him up to pet it, just don't. They have pretty strong kangaroo-like feet, so watch out.

Are there people that want to pet their fish? My fish always looks pretty grumpy, and the only thing he likes... is food.

Piglets and Bugs


Piglets are okay with being pet basically anywhere.

Bugs? Why would you want to? Plus, they don't make great friends, so why set yourself up for that kind of rejection.



Really? Don't pet a bear. They only want to eat all your food, and probably also you. You're safer if you just don't.



Steer clear of the back and the bottom. And don't give them any surprises. Stay where they can see you. But sure, go ahead and pet the approved petting areas.



Mostly all "yes" areas have been approved for petting. Except the tail because of all the magic, obviously. And also not the front legs, because they're not that magical.

Snakes and Wolverines

SnekWolvSnakes are pretty much all off limits. Wolverines have more body parts, but those parts are also all no. Don't tango with either.

Mainly because they're animals, and probably don't know how to tango anyway.

The Real Wolverine


Pet at your own risk.

Now that you know how to appropriately pet all the things, go forth and pet accordingly!

All images via Imgur.

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How to Pet Various Animals...with Some Humor