30 Cow Puns That'll Amoooose You!

Posted by Christy Caplan

Cows are on the top of our list when it comes to our fave livestock! So we had to come up with a list of puns for our fellow homesteaders to use when they're chatting with friends and family. Before we dive into our list, we wanted to share a fact that we think everyone should have on their radar. Is a cow different than a heifer?

Quick fun fact about cows vs. heifers:

Cow: a mature female bovine that has given birth to at least one or two calves. Colloquially, the term "cow" is also in reference to the Bos primigenius species of domestic cattle, regardless of age, gender, breed or type. However, for most people who work with or raise cattle, this term is not used in the same reference as previously noted.

Heifer: a female bovine (often immature, but beyond the "calf" stage) less than 1 to 2 years of age that has never calved. Such females, if they've never calved beyond two years of age may also be called heiferettes.

Here are 12 amooosing (oh yes, pun totally intended) cow puns you can regale your friends with. They might never forgive you.

Cow Jokes and Puns

1. I get what you were going for...

But you totally butchered that joke.

2. I don't normally eat big meals.

I'm more of a grazer.

3. Don't mess this up.

The steaks are high.


4. That excuse you gave was a bunch of bull.

5. If you give her any attitude...

She'll tan your hide.

6. Don't act rashly.

Take stock of the situation first.


7. Make sure you show up on time.

If you get there late, she'll have a cow.

8. Seriously, have I ever steered you wrong?

9. It's nearly impossible to hurt his feelings.

He has leather skin.

10. Got some leverage?

Milk it for all it's worth.


11. I have some real beef with him.

12. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

You need to grab it by the horns.

More of the best cow puns

13. Bobby couldn't see a good cow pun if it was literally steering him right in the face.

14. One of the problems when you have invisible cows is that they are herd but they are not seen.

15. It must have been a bovine intervention that the cow saved my life yesterday.

16. The reason Sally stopped telling cow puns was that she always butchered them.

17. The farmer who got attacked by a cow took him to court to milk him for all he was worth.

18. The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-od.

19. One of the reasons that I have never tipped a cow was because I have never been served by a cow before.

20. When a cow is not giving milk each day, there must be an udder problem.

21. If you see a cow climbing to the top of a hill, then you know the cream is rising to the top.

22. Always massage a cow's back right before you think about putting it out to posture.

23. A cow will never tell you a lie because they simply give you no bull.

24. The reason a cow is always broke is because the dairy farmer is always milking them dry.

25. The little baby cow was told to get to bed because it was way pasture bedtime.

26. If you come across a cow with no legs, consider it some real ground beef.

27. The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.

28. The nursery rhyme cow was so excited about his new job that he was over the moon.

29. The farmer thought he only counted 299 cows in the pasture, but after he rounded them up, he now had 300.

30. Farmer Brown's cows are the funniest in the land, often referred to as the laughing stock.

There are so many moooves we made with this list of animal puns. Some cow jokes we loved made the top of the list and others we moved down to the bottom, but they are all still funny cow puns! You don't have a cow? Hoping to move to a home with greener pastures? Dairy cows are beautiful and it will be nice to watch out your window.

Hopefully, our fun fact also taught you the difference between a cow and a heifer. We also hope you were amoosed by these 30 puns.

Think you've heard some of these puns before? You might have a case of deja moo.

One day, you'll find yourself in a conversation with the perfect opening for one of these bad puns. And, holy cow, when you do, let 'er rip.

Rest assured, it will be udderly satisfying.

Did you already know these cow puns? Tell us in the comments below. 

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30 Cow Puns That'll Amoooose You!